#something i didnt really pay attention to when i played this 7-8 years ago was their friendship. its soooo sweet!!

[killjoy-prince]

I take the crumbs wherever I see them

[noahhernandez]

2/9/2015 v. 8/11/2020

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. My favorite movie is Scream, and it started when I saw the midnight premier of Scream 4 with my dad back when I was in 8th grade, then Scream 1 came on AMC late on night and I just really like it

I still think Scream is one of my favorites, but Halloween has jumped up there just because I am obsessed with all things horror really lol. I started to love Halloween because of the new trilogy.

2:Talk about your first kiss. It’s really not that interesting but really like embarrassing. It was with my first boyfriend and I had just turned 15 and we were at the school just walking around and we went into the band hall and I was like ok im leaving and he was like wait and we kissed and i was like o

the same ! 

3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for. I never really have had intense feelings for anyone. I d k

One my exes- I mean we were dating for awhile so that’s pretty intense to me. 

4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far. I regret… Nothing really I mean, I have done really bad things in my life, but i don’t regret them

I regret failing like 2 semesters of college lmao and almost dropping out. If i didn’t then I would 1- would have been done earlier and 2- would have already completed a year of grad school but IDK also another is wasting lots of money in 2017-2018

5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had. The best birthday I’ve had was.. Idk This year was was nice I saw Iggy Azalea in concert, then I celebrated my friends’ birthday then mine and it was just everyone got to get together so ya this year my 18th

For my 21st birthday I went to Portland, Oregon and spent the weekend there and it was pretty and my first time there so it was nice despite what I think about PDX now. I don’t even know what I was doing for my 19 and 20th birthday lol. 

6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had. My 17th birthday because I was stuck 2 hours away from home with a bunch of nerds doing a band competition 

That is still probably my worst birthday. I forget to mention that I was gone literally from like 7am to midnight. They werent a bunch of loser nerds, they were my friends, but I still wish I was just at home lol. 

7:Talk about your biggest insecurity. I am skinny, but not fit. If I eat anything I get this like stomach and it makes me so sad. and ever since I got a job I work odd hours and I eat a lot of fast food and I’ve gained 10 pounds in 2 years and I guess i’m insecure about my weight

I am still insecure about my weight, and I probably weight like 5 pounds more than I did when I made this post 5 1/2 years ago. 

8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of. We have band banquets for band, and I only went my sophomore and junior year, and seniors give out awards to underclassmen that are just jokes really, and both years 4 different seniors gave me an award for being the biggest gossip in the entire band and I was proud of that lol

Well since then I have graduated both high school and college. I am proud that I finished college !! A BS in Psych. Proud of myself that I got promoted (in 2017) at my job; i’m proud of myself that I have my own apartment, and blah blah basically just doing regular adult shit. 

9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my nose because of how perfectly fixed it is. I also really like my freckles/moles/dark marks idk what they are exactly, but they’re on my face and they look great

I still feel the same way about this, maybe add my eyebrows- they’re not like clean and nice they’re just expression markers on my face that i love.

10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had. I got into a fight with my old friend Angelica and that was almost 4 months ago and we used to be best friends and now we never talk.

When Janett didn’t talk to me all summer of 2019 because I told our other friend Angel something

11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. I cant remember one 12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. I can’t remember one

13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The closest thing i’ve had to like sex was being locked in a back of an SUV with a stranger drunk as fuck and naked and its embarrassing

Just awkward and nothing to which I expected. 

14:Talk about a vacation. When I was 16, the high school band took a trip to Hawaii, and all my friends were in band so it was great. We did a lot of things, we toured Pearl Harbor and even played a few patriotic songs on the USS Miss. and our hotel was on Wakiki beach. I went snorkeling in some beautiful water and shit and idk just walked all around Hawaii having a great time omg we got on stage at the Hard Rock Cafe and sang with German people i miss it

Hm that was fun. But I.. went to NY with my ex and that was pretty cool because I literally love New York, and I went to NOLA two years ago (today actually) and got miserably drunk so that was fun too 

15:Talk about the time you were most content in life. Probably just in the middle of junior year when everything and everyone was going with the flow

I feel like 2016 was a very content year because I remember nothing about it. 

16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to. Idk which one to talk about the one where I had a lot of fun and risked my life or the one where there was a lot of drama stirred up and drank myself to sadness. 

I haven’t really been to a party? I have gone out and had good times. Really anytime my friends and I go out I am having a good time 

17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I am already friends with people I want to be friends with

18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school. I kissed a boy on the back of the head and i told I just fell onto his head

Let me think of another one. Back in like fourth grade my friend was in a wheel chair and his backpack was falling from the back and I was trying to grab it and i was only 3 feet tall i couldnt see over or wasnt paying attention and i crashed him right into the bookshelves at the library. 

19:Talk about something that happened in middle school. A girl was mad at me because idk why lol and she pushed me in the hall way and I fucking flew across that hall on the floor and hit the wall she’s pregnant now

When I was in 5th grade (which is considered middle school in my district) I was standing on the play ground and someone threw a stick at my head and it knocked me the fuck out and I was bleeding from my temple.

20:Talk about something that happened in high school. In Jr. Year I was pulling into the parking lot but I was texting and I accidentally put half my car on grass area near the side walk luckily it was 7am and only one person saw me do it lol

One summer going into our senior year we had a party at Michelle’s house. First of all we were very drunk and Coby’s parents were like we are coming over and we cleaned TF UP so fast and sat on the couch and turned on I Know What You Did Last Summer and his parents were like interesting and and left and then we continued to drink anyways- we started playing truth or dare and my friend Angelica was like I dare u to kiss Anthony (someone I had liked prior) and he wouldnt and we started attacking him and calling him homophobic and hitting him with pillows lmao- him and I are still friend-ish

21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. I can’t think of something right now.

Literally anyone on grindr.

22:Talk about your worst fear. I’m afraid of having no career and being stuck doing something I hate and living paycheck to paycheck

Yeah, I’m scared of that still but I.. think just like being broke and jobless. RN with the pandemic we aren’t really working and still getting gov’t assistance, so.  IDK being a real real adult scares me a lot. 

23:Talk about a time someone turned you down. I can’t think of a time :)

One time in like 2016 maybe idk - this dude told me to come over and he lived far like not that far maybe 25 minutes lol far for me anyways I got to his apartment and there was a gate code and i asked him what it was and he didnt answer and it was like 2-3am and nobody was coming in or out and so i was like damn this sucks lmao

24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. Nothing really has meant a lot to me. Everyone tells me the same thing over and over again and its so surface level

I still can’t think of anything but I’m sure the friends I have met since this and my friends Faith, Michelle, Peter, and Alisa have said something supportive that meant a lot to me. 

25:Talk about an ex-best friend. Angelica Ramirez. She was my best friend for only 3 years, but together we went through A LOT of shit. We started out senior year just fine, but she lied about a few things and made a lot of us feel like crap in October. I won’t lie, I do miss her. We have too many memories to just forget, too many funny stories and great adventures. She helped me with too much, and sometimes I think about how I cut her out of my life and I mad a bad choice. But only time can heal things and I have moved on and truly found people that won’t make me mad every 30 seconds. 

Brianna Pajak, I don’t remember anything about her except she was poor and we stopped being friends because she always wanted to fight and be annoying. 

26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick. Lay on bed on my computer and watch TV

I normally just suffer and cry about wishing I was healthy again.

27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body. Their…!!>>>??? 

I must have nice hands and ur nose must be nice too! so nose and hands. lol

28:Talk about your fetishes. none

yeah I don’t have any lol not that I can think of. 

29:Talk about what turns you on. Idk i really like kissing and touching and this is awkward. 

30:Talk about what turns you off. bad breath by

that and ugly/rough hands, acne sorry i know it is natural but, shorter than me lol, white people, long hair on guys, and thats about it i think hm i am single yes 

31:Talk about what you think death is like. I think its like idk its scary tho

um idk i dont like thinking about death because i literally want to cry when i think about it. 

32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. I remember being in trees a lot

My step grandma’s a lot because my parents were working and she would watch us. She passed away about a month ago :( 

33:Talk about what you do when you are sad. I usually only tell one person and that person is Alisa and I cry sometimes to her and expect her to make things better and she does thank u

I be doing the same thing, I text someone and that person could really be anyone but it happened the other day and I texted Bri and she was very helpful. 

34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured. I have no idea, I’ve never broken pulled strained twisted fractures or anything i have no life

I still haven’t done any of that stuff to my body. I also have burn scars but I did not feel those when it was happening. I would just say i guess my wisdom teeth coming in because I did not get them removed. I have 3 out lol.

35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. Pushing potential love interests away 

I have had some ‘love interests’ since this post, but it’s been about a year now since and I kind of push away the opportunity of getting close to someone. I also need to stop being a bitch sometimes. 

36:Talk about your guilty pleasures. eating 

I would say idk eating was a stupid answer. 

37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. never

I was in love and i didn’t ‘think’ I was in love. I don’t know what you mean by talk about them, they were my partner but we broke up hehe.

38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. Fireflies by Owl City reminds me of my 7th grade crush Fancy by Iggy Azalea reminds me of my two friends Michelle and Alisa idk anything else

um Idk. i rly cant think  39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier. I wish I would have known that

That it’s okay to tell people you’re struggling lol . That is okay to fail sometimes (school).  40:Talk about the end of something in your life. everything is just about to start

When I ended how to get away with murder I wish I never did I love that show with all my heart. 

[subarashiet]

lifes been weird and sad , got so much stuff i wanna say dont even know if thats the right subred to but here goes.i m 18 , from Greece , first year in Uni and life is not the way i want it to bei live on my own , rent is being paid by mom and her husband , month pocket money given by dad and by my part time jobat some point in high school i understood that our school years were our most carefree years , tho only now do i really understand itman this post is gonna cramp my fingers shouldve used the pcused to hang out a lot till 2nd year of high school then in 3rd year cause of me studying more i was hanging out less , used to have around 4groups of ppl to hang around then only one , cliche but i wasnt anyone special in school , gotta mention i went to a music middle-high school , only highlights i remember are in 2th-3rd grade trading blows with a girl (think she was 5th grade) ,3rd grade kissing a girl in her cheek then running away from the boy-horde coming after me , 4th grade trading blows with a 6th grader ,6th grade punching a guy for calling names my little sis (we good now see him out we talk he a nice dud) , 9th grade a girl i had a chance with but fucked it up big time , 9th grade breaking a cello almost getting expelled ,12th grade playing bass at a concert in Thessaloniki with a music group of my schooldidnt really have many close friends but there were some from school and other places you can call closer friends , but now even with them i ve started to fade away which i cannot bear but i m the type of giving up and not trying until i m lategot laboratory this morning and this is gonna take a while hope i can get some sleepfeels weird using reddit to express my thoughts i even find it a bit cringy talking to myself but oh welli wanted to visit a physiatrist because i ve been so mentally tired that i think i might have crippling sadness xD but i tried to arrange that back in July-August pre my 18th bday so she said a parent was required to be present so i just kept all the stuff to myselfi was learning classic guitar from 1st grade to 8th still play to this day , in music school i kinda learned h2p electric but didnt practice enough to be able to play good , also know some pianobeen listening to post rock and mostly fate music these past 10 monthssucker for good anime tho i ve been out of it lately havent even finished my summer ones , oregairu has a nice ending from what i got spoiled fromanyway thing is i am sad most of the time , i try not to show it cause i like the stereotype of being the strong guy that everyone can depend on and almost never see being emotional and also like the cool tempered guy type , tho lately i ve been craving a lot of attention that i drop the act of the calm n cool sometimesthings with my parents didnt go to well these past years , only now i can say that we ve finally kinda calmed down , mom and dad started falling out of it around 8th grade cause lots of fighting , big sis kindof took the role of mother while on her teen years , feels like she had it much worse than me10th grade sis leaves home to go elsewhere to start studies for uni , i m left with ma and lil sis back homethen i understand that i have to be there for my little sis which also got in my school that year (3kids-3years difference each) so i tried to assume the role of the big brother but she was closer to her older sister than me , i was closer to my older sister as well , feels like i was doing my lil sis wrong but i cpould relate more to big sis and could chat with her more about stufflil sis didnt open up to me a lot even to this day , she has been a lot more comfortable with me through the years i think cause she told me something important recently , kinda feelsbadman tho cause i wanted to be closer to her and i kinda tried but i think not hard enough cause she didnt seem to get any closer , cried once about it in front of my mother which was the absoluteliest worst cause i didnt want her to see me being fragile jesustho even now that i m not home i talk to her play some among us tried making her start xenoverse 2 that didnt go farhave some friends from school , we would only go all together at internet cafes , but mostly 4 of em would go out togetherin my school i had some friends from scouts tooi have an insta , used to post "cool" pics kinda stopped cause i like looking cool in front of others but i havent been in the mood to try in around a year nowused to be in some conservatory guitar groups with some other kids there , with one girl from there i used to be quite in touch until recently that i stopped seeing her for some reasons maybe i ll explain l8rwe had fun and i really mean it , we used to go on trips to play songs on different cities and stages , our group became kinda known the 2-3 good active years we were active , it still is but these years were the originals , now there are other peoplefucking christ its 2:27started playing in that group with the originals in 2017 till 2019 , we were kids from different ages going from 6th to 10th graders but i didnt understand the different in our ages until recently that i found one of the guys from the group in my cityanother closer friend is a guy from my school , met him in grade 7 still talk to him , used to sit together most of the years pretty neat guy , peculiar character but really interesting kind smart and hard workingman why couldnt my teen years be like shirou from fsn that would be awesomehad entrance exams 4-5 months ago , didnt really go as planned , shooted for Corfu didnt get in cause rather than 15 i got 10 in my last exam so i m still in my city , tho i live alone and go to my local uni insteadJuly 2019 i moved out of my old house moved in with ma and her husband with my sis , stayed there till september then till june-july 2020 i was living with my fathertbh i decided to write this post after watching a vid of Korone talking about Okayu thinking that i ve never been in an actual relationship and that i eould want to experience that but dont know where to start from , losing weight ? becoming outgoing again ? learn how to talk to girls ?i started watching anime back in 2015 on my 3ds i remember watching dubbed Inazuma Elevensince like 2 weeks ago i reached 201 anime completedok i ll stop here for tonight cause i got online uni classes tmrw i keep stimestamps for whenever i finally post this -Tuesday 3/11/2020 02:41used to be around 85-90kg in 12th grade , put on around 20-28 kilos since March 2020 , managed to lose 8-10 kilos in the summer but i m still around 30kilos up from the normal amount based on my height , got a subscription to a gym jan2019 but only managed to get into it for a short period on spring 2019 then autumn 2019 then lost motivation and let go , since March2020 i ve been doing some weights at home , tho when i look at myself in the mirror it doesnt really change how bad i feel about my body , i think my old motivation used to be a girl i used to have a crush on but not surethings with my parents werent all that great and i was mentally better when i would talk with them , they are openminded af and supportive too but puberty makes you see stuff differently like everyone is against you like the world is against you (last one might be true dunno yet) , living on my own now seems to be a bit better but as our Greek ancestors used to say theres no good without bad and the bad in this scenario is that its lonely as fuck , having lived for 18 years with my family it really hits a weird spot , everything feels lonelier now with the virus spreading around not being able to see others as much as we used to , uni doesnt feel nice , many people dont pay attention and its like the second half of 12th grade all over againgot my monthly money 4days ago , went from 200 to 9.28 quickly , when i have money i spend when i dont i m stingy , mostly like to build computers , watch lots of Linus , Paul , Kyle , Jay etc. most of my money goes to buying stuff about computers food , used to give lots of money to internet cafes when i used to hang out with the guys from school , not anymorewith the start of uni we all met new friends even i but i still feel like i am drifting apart day by day , stopped talking to my old girl friend cause i was kinda done with her attitude , called me some names i didnt appreciate because i put up with her attitude , most of the time in her own world , only would really pay attention and try to change herself when it was something she cared about , one of them wasnt her character , but to give the goods of her she was a good friend dont know if i can say she still is a friend or just someone i know , she helped me even with the girl i had a crush on , was really fun on trips with the guitar group , all in all a fun person , thing is i stopped texting her and telling her to go out cause it was 80% me trying and the other 20% her and i think that proved right when i stopped talking to her cause i thought she will see that i m not talking to her she ll think somethings wrong she ll message me to go out and have fun , send me a happy bday message posted some pics of me , didnt send me anything else after , stopped talking to her around the start of October , if i hadnt asked her something about her uni and if it wasnt my bday i dont think we wouldve talked in all of october . last saturday i was working in the area she lives in my city decided to call her sometimes didnt answer tried to suprise her and see how she is by going to her house , noone answered maybe they were on a trip idk , but it feels weird man , in the first half of the year me and a common friend of her and me went out one night , ended up being the bad guy to make her understand that she did something wrong that night , after she left i was left with our common friend talked about stuff and mostly her and i expressed myself , i knew that coming summer me and her would end up at different places so i wanted to tell her all the wrongs with her so that she could finally understand what i ve been putting up against and make her understand that she HAS to pay attention to people around her and that she will meet new people and that she ll have to be careful about her character , used to have a bit of crush on her back in 7th grade , can kinda understand why that went . On the other hand i didnt want to part ways with her with our last words being me ranting , one thing brought the other and she wont be going to her uni's city until early 2021 so i managed to go out with her some more in the summer and september . kinda feels bad to see that almost noone remembered my bday cause i remember in cram school when someone had their bday they would get a fucking cake , dont mistake me i got one , from my ma my two sisters and my moms husband , thing is i wanted to have something happen with friends , nothing happend , around 4 people remembered my bday and the others just send me some happy bday messages after seeing posts from the girl i m talking about .also heres a good song to listen to while reading stuff on reddit Sorrow from FSN by MN64 cant post links from what i understandgonna stop here for now might edit later -Tuesday 3/11/2020 15:15thing is reddit is not the right place to get help and i need a friend but it seems i cant get any from my friends , even my other friend the guy i used to sit with in all middle-high school he has drifted apart , talking more with other of his friends doing other stuff etc , that one time i needed to talk to him he said i ll call you in a while , waitied 1 and a half hour then asked him why he didnt call he said he forgot (i think) , feelsbadmananyway i dont think i m gonna keep editing this i ranted enough , gonna leave the post up for a day or so in case anyone wants to add anything then taking it down -Tuesday 3/11/2020 23:58

[paolopallegient]

good morning, today is a better day.

i feel like all my work in the morning for the past 2 days have really helped achieved this feeing of me tal safety. To explain

3 days ago i learned that Gabbi had cut me off. It was hard to find out, i went ahead and slept it off, it meant nothing to me at night. I woke up and the information sunk into my heart. I was at my worst that morning, but i forced nyself to do good to myself. I remember not wanting to move, but i put my clothes in the laundry, showered, meditated, had a good bfast too with black bean noodle and some egg. It was good. Then i had work later with Darren and Dhan. It sucks because i love working with Darren and Dhan but i wasn't in no mood to communicate or talk to anybody. It makes me sad. I went home and facetimed Nicole and she had told me the true meanings as to why Gabbi had cut me off, which included why kiana had cut me off as well.

i went home and showered, got into bed and listened to music the whole time. I didn't want to talk to my parents, i didn't want to do anything bro. I waited for my parents to sleep just so i can eat by myself. I remember crying to Nicole about this moment because i felt like there was no hope for me. I remember late at night i hopelessly texted Kev so that we can talk it out. I needed to talk it out with somebody. Somebody who'd have my back. The insecurity within me had a feeling he wouldn't like what he heard or even lose another friend with him. It turned out well though.

The next day, I did the same stuff. I woke up, showered, did my laundry, made bfast, and even picked up an earlier shift. I usually work 4-9, but on this day i worked 1-9 so i was there longer. It turned out to be good for me. As i mentioned, i had to meet up with kev to talk about it. It was really good for my mental. I feel like i'm really learning how to grow and surround myself with good things nowadays. I guess i've experienced so much people leaving my life and the presence of their absence affecting me had taught me something 😂🤝😂. It's crazy, anyways, Yeah he was able to give me the guidance i needed. He told me that what i did isn't as severe as to what people are doing concurrently. Men are doing much worse than what i've done. He also said something very nice to me near the end, where i was dropping him off at his place. I was playing a logic song, a song off his new album No Pressure, but the song was in the background really so i wasn't paying attention. Kev placed my attention to the song and he said to me that he doesn't want me to be in the fear of being "cancelled" or crossing paths with somebody that doesn't like me because "that's not freedom."

damn.

That's not freedom. The song was "Amen", one of his favorite song off No Pressure. What he said there was something i carried through the whole day. I went to work after i dropped him off and i was thinking about that endlessly. I went to work and Kevin & Will were working. I realized that i like working with Kevin because he actually likes to talk and conversate. He's not as bad as people talk about him. It's merely the opposite, he surprises me. At the beginning he was hard on me when making drinks because, i was learning yenno? But now, when i do something "lazy" i'm surprised that he does the same. He made 3 drinks in a a blender lol. I've gotten condemned for doing such so i don't do it anymore. Anyways, talking and working the first half of the shift was nice. I was happy to talk to him. Kathy and Solo came in later. Solo is always dope, it's hard to talk to him doe because he's quiet as fuck and i like my music loud lol. Then Kathy was where it was at tho. I'll just say what she told me rather than how the conversations went. She told me she used to study film. She wanted to be in Film Production(i think) and went into Film Criticism on accident bc she wasn't looking close enough as to what she was studying or what classes were part of the curriculum. She told me as well that she's married, and that her and her husband used to own a restaurant, an american chinese place like Panda Express. 3 years ago she used to work at a boba shop, a local one in Orange County. I noticed that she refrains from telling me the names of the places she works, maybe those were years she didn't want to remember. It's understandable. 2018 and 2019 are years I do my best not to remember. Typing those years out actually made me reminisce and wow yeah i understand her, suggesting that her bringing up the names were the case as to why she wouldn't wanna talk about them.

Anyways, later in the shift around 6-7 it got busy and i started getting real mentally negative. It was insane to me, i started just drifting off while making drinks and i remember secretly slamming my hand down on bar. It just sounded like normal noise considering things are slammed all the time anyways, so nobody noticed anyways. Later, something crazy happened. I saw a girl come up and she had very familiar eyes. This is where my ability to recognize people astonishes me because I saw this girl's eyes and i recognized her as Noah Abel Cruz's girlfriend. Then i look whose next to him and it was Noah lmao. I had the quickest intuition to discount them, then i pulled out... i didn't tell Kathy to discount them... I wish i did. It was like my authentic self remember 2014, then my older self remember 2017-2018 😂 lmao stupid. I wish i coulda saved them some money in the name of growth. Although, what i did had shown that I was affected by his and my decisions from the past. I didn't appreciate what he's done or said to me in the past. Although, i still made their drinks... i think...? I remember yes, i did make their drinks. This moment i really am not proud of lmao so, it was pretty ass haha. I made their drinks and i remember being done for awhile, and Solo was busy AND KATHY WAS BUSY SO I MIGHT'VE HAD TO BRING THEIR DRINKSS TO THEM. But naw, I was able to hear Kathy's next order i think so i just remember beginning it and then solo came and brought the drinks. What happens later with the Noah story is crazy. from 7:10-7:50 i was going relatively crazy. I was thinking and repeating that moment forever. "shoulda discounted them" "shoulda shown him that i've grown" "should brought their drinks to them" idk. Earlier in the shift i texted Melissa if she could roll my weed because, yesterday with Dhan and Darren, Dhan gave me weed...? LOL Like, i have no form of smoking it but yeah. He just gave it to me, and Melissa agreed to roll my weed. Then i get a snap from Christian that they're both hanging out at the time i text her. I told him that, if they want free boba, come bc we close at 8, and they got excited. They came around 7:50 and were so playful?

They were happy to see me... It was nice to felt needed, or at least produce excitement for somebody. It was nice. I remember somewhat scrambling because solo was making drinks and I wanted to make their drinks and yeah. I made their drinks, said goodbye, etc. Then we closed, nothing much this night, just showered and laud in bed, ate later and watched Japan Sinks (which i don't like lmao, i won't be finishing this series lol). Anyways, yeah. I forgot to mention, the Noah thing. So we closed, i got into my car and called Kevin bc he called me while we were closing. He told me that Noah called him, and told him exactly what i was telling him. Like, "man i felt weird" stuff like that. He was saying that we'll probably reconnect at a listening party in the future at Kevin's. I think i have to organize my feelings with Noah first. Thinking about it now, i'd still feel weird. We'll work on it. I'll work on it. Anyways, yeah. crazy.

Christian, Melissa, Noah, Coworker Kevin, Vrother Kevin, Dhan, Darren, Nicole, all these people enjoy my presence. Even my parents enjoy my presence too. i have to remember this.

today, i will get up, use the restroom, i want to brush my teeth bc i didnt brush last night. I'll come back, make my bed, meditate, then shower, then fold my laundry, Kevin is coming around 12:30 so i'm assuming that we'll probabky eat when he comes. We'll be watching Do The Right Thing and Once Upon A Time In The West, an oldie double feature. It'll be good. Later in the day, i'm going to melissa's so she can roll my weed. I appreciate her. I appreciate kev. Today will be good and i'll further beaing good to myself. Tired of being tired of being tired.

Kiana, Gabbi, Justin, Preet, Bianca, etc. I want you all to know that i'm choosing to grow. I feel like i have potential to achieve greatness in this life. I want to do better for my seed so that my sons or daughters know consent and know how to "read the room" and not make people uncomfortable. I want to teach them and educate them. My nephews and nieces as well. For the future, if i become a teacher, i do want to teach my students as well. I want to become a person of change. I will change, i'll show you all. You can decide to be present for that, if not then...

I wish the best for all of you. I remember a life where i cared for all of you. Thank you for being apart of my journey. I have 0 defenses in my case if i get cancelled, i admit to what i've done. Although, i'm not going to allow that to restrict me from growing and being a better person. If you ask me, why wouldn't cancel culture WANT me to grow and be better? Idk. If i lose more friends to this, I won't be surprised but, yenno what i'll do?

Wake up in the morning, shower, meditate, do my laundry, and eat breakfast. I'm done being a shit-person to others, but it begins with myself. I have to love myself.

Today is day 3 not getting cancelled. I have a dentist appointment sunday. Next week is Julius's bday. Gabbi's too but i won't be celebrating it lol. Then Passdown retreat, then the week after school starts. Then blam. Life keeps going. I will grow.

Thank you Paolo for taking the time to just type this whole thing out... this was also a step towards loving myself. Alright, i have to shit. See yall in my next post. Love you all. Swag.

[murcuryretro]

3:09 a.m (est) 7-8-20

So JUST now, I was watching a T.V show called “Toys that made us” which actually inspired me to never stop dreaming. Althought the sales of toys have dramaticllly declined,the passion and creativity behind these toys is what makes them LEGENDARY. There are toys that will be forever KNOWN. Imagine creating something that never dies , making history as well. Amazing, truly inspiring. Now with that being said, decided to write down some of my thoughts before going to bed. Before logging in, the wifi randomly had cut off, cutting off the show I had been watching, and decided it was a sign to get on the laptop instead. I get on it, but to my “surprise” NO WIFI. I then ask my bf whos been sitting on the couch playing with his new switch for a few hours, pretty much since I got home from work Ive seen him sitting there and still is, IF he can please check the router. Anything the requires some brain power , is too much for him!!! I over loooked it for so many years, now its starting to bite me in the ass. He then gets up to check the wires, and ask if I had pay. I said no but its not due yet. Also even if it was overdue they dont CUT everything off until way after. ANYWHO, I use my hotspot so that I can check, and its not due until the 15th, SO AGAIN, i ask him to check the wires, because there were clear instructions on the screen about what might be wrong and it wasnt the WIFI it was the router itself. So we had internet , just wasn’t properly transmitted. So after asking him to check the router, he quickly starts complaining about the mess the last cable guy made, complaining how he cant turn it on and, giving me an attitude and a tone because he just can’t, doing the bare min, literally TOUCHED 1 wire and gave up, saying he feels better if someone else disconnects the wire to check, as he goes back on the couch, THEN complains how we HAVE To call them and give them a piece of our mind since we are paying customers. Funny thing is , when we says “we”, he means ME. He would never actually get on the phone and explain to a company his fustrations. It would be me, while hes most likely sitting on the couch playing video games or REALLY mad sitting on the couch not playing video games, because of the wifi. What bothers me most is the lack of responsiblity he takes on. Also like he wants to avoid all grown men responsiblities, its become the biggest turn-off and been thinking of ways to have real conversation with him without him getting butt hurt because he is very sensitive, also he plays victim and I cant let him do that. He is not a victim at all , in anyway, but the second i confront him about something he is trying to avoid, he plays victim. Im so tired of being the one that has to constantly asses every situation were ever in. Hes the man for goodness sake. In reality he’s a beta and I’m in alpha. which makes this kinda hard. Previous relationship , we were both alphas and as much as we did bump heads, we also agreed on a lot and learned things together as the are new to us. Other times, we both take the lead in situations and it was like working with 2 heads rather than 1. Now it feels like just 1 head with 2 people. And like they always say, 2 heads are BETTER than 1. I just feel so lost, because I’m so use to have a Man that can handle business without me, who uses their OWN judgement, I don’t even want to talk down on him, but as time goes on and were not doing anything for ourselves,I start to feel this hole, void, in my heart, something is missing, something is wrong. Why is he such a good person with a great heart but lacks what makes a person resilent. For years he has lied to everyone about having his license. Why ? Im not sure, not that I lived with him for a over a year, I know why, hes scared of real life responsiblities that he would have to handle himself because no one else will. No health insurance, even tho its free now in days, because thats just another responiblity he does not want or care to have, Even for his own health. UNLESS I push him, which I have brought up so many times, but I can not do it for him.Then his license, I have asked him to get it and he said okay, never did, asked him again, said he will do it, does it and forgets the date, then he says he will make a new date, havent heard anything about. I dont know how much more I need to annoy him about ?! Since I’ve met him  Im the ONLY driver, driving us everywhere. Any place, its me. Since 2016, its 2020. Not sure whats stopping him, He also brags a lot about the money he makes and he saves it, buys some toys for himself, and takes me out on dinner dates. Which I apprecaite so much of course, but I wish he would do more for himself. Hes just so scared of life I believe, I could be wrong, but thats all he seems to prove since Ive met him! Very sensitive and he likes attention. NEVER noticed that until a FEW people brought that up and I do see that very clearly now. Its hard to have a partner who only values what he says and disregard me. I can let him talk and I go along with it, he on the other hand, cant wait for me to stop talking and he never gives any kinda feedback because he wasnt really listening. Im getting pretty tired of it. Im starting to think I may have made the wrong decision. Whenever something is wrong its like I need to be the leader of the problem and fix it myself, and I think he thinks I like the idea of being the head bitch in charge but in reality its exhausting and just one sided. I have never seen him actually take control of a critical situation without my help. I always end up being the one to finalize everything, as if he HAS to go thru me. Which I do appreciate but it just also feels like he does it to hand me down the rest of the solution. Like NO! Once in a while would be nice if he did things that turn out fine, all alone. NEVER happens. I know of everything and mostly fix it myself.Even THINGS, Hes not hands on so things that would need a quick fix, something my dad would fix easily, john would have a total meltdown and give up fast as fuck. I thought having a person this gentel would be good for my soul but I think its the opposite. Since the day that we rekindle our friendship 2 years ago,I started using hard drugs, LITERALLY the day after we hung out at a show we were both at. I havent been okay since dec 2018 and i though dating him would make me feel better and help fix that void in me, so far, nothing.... I can see I’m stringing this relationship along and Im not sure if I should continue.I have very high hopes with living an amazing life with him, I always saw it in him , that WE would be perfect for each other. I think I based a book by its cover and the first two pages and ran with it. Without reading the whole book, and its not turning out so much as what I thought we would be. He quickly became like a grandpa once we started to date, and then telling me he didnt like when i went out, it was just so shocking considering that we , him, I and all my friends would go all the time, he loved he things I loved to do too, so wtf ?! He almost changed into a person I didnt want to date, the second we started to date. So confusing and almost decieved. Almost he faked how chill he was to get closer to me, It wasnt until a year ish later that I realized , I have been seeing only 1 side of him, the side he wanted me to see, and I loved it, and then the real him I didnt Know and frankly Im not sure if I really like. He loves me so fucking much, but I dont feel fulfilled. Something feels very off, I am missing something and I truly dont know what it is. I hope that we can help each other grow whether alone or together, I just want to know what I wanna do with my life and I need more motivation than what Im getting right now. I feel like im slowing my life down and going no where. I dont like it and I dont want this going on any longer.I NEED to find my way!!!! I hope hes there either as my bf or my friend and we work things out. wish me luck in whatever  I choose to do. THNXX  

[jamesniall]

Hey I’m not the anon that u talked about but I follow u on twitter and wanna let u know that don’t worry!!!! That happened to me a few days ago too djdnxjsn. Are you posting today?

ahhh HI OMG thank u for understanding :’)

IT WAS SO FRUSTRATING bc i got it all written but there’s lil things to edit and words to change a bit but it was basically done and then the power went out and refused to come back for 7 hours :/

as soon as it came back i got to it but im sleeeeepy and i have a family thing tomorrow morning (basically today wow it’s 4 am) so i can’t post it until the afternoon :( BUT YES TODAY IT’LL BE POSTED FINALLY. NOTHING WILL STOP ME FROM POSTING IT TODAY.

if u want, and for the other super patient and lovely anon as well, here’s a lil preview of it; the first out of the 5 + 1 things of this fic!

(as i said, it still needs to be proof read again so if u find mistakes pls pretend u didnt, im gonna get to them tomorrow sdkfhds but yeah there u have 1,5k of this monster of a fic that took over 2 months of my life lmao what started as a lil hurt/comfort fic ended up in a 18k monster of developing relationship hurt/comfort and angst with a cHEESY ending wow)

Having the night shift at the E.R onFriday nights it’s always a chore. Harry always tries his best to change itwith one of his colleagues, even if he has to take Monday’s morning shift whereeveryone comes with the silliest symptoms to get some excuse to get out oftheir jobs for a couple days.

This time, however, Liam has a familything he can’t get out of and Harry has to cover the night shift.

It goes as he expected it.

Drunk college students with alcoholpoisoning are the most common gig of the night, followed by guys withconcussions and broken noses that can only be attributed to bar fights.

It’s around 10 pm when he’s making a roundthrough the new arrivals when he sees a guy sitting in the waiting room withwhat seems to be a scarf wrapped around his left arm and a guitar tightlyclutched in his right hand.

He looks downright miserable. Soaked tothe bone – though Harry doesn’t recall it raining when he started his shift –hair plastered to his forehead and a bruise in his right cheek that he can tellit’s gonna swell and hurt as fuck tomorrow morning.

He takes a look around the room andfigures he’s the most interesting case he can get out of the night.

“Hello there, I’m Doctor Styles. Did thenurse give you the triage paper?” He asks, looking down at the brown hairedguy, who startles at his voice.

“Oh, hi, yes, uh,” he searches around hispockets for a bit, hissing when he disturbs his homemade bandage, Harry doesn’tknow if he’s hiding a broken, burnt or cut arm, but he’s sure the scarf it’snot wrapped up properly for none of those situations.

He finally finds a yellow crumbled uppaper in the pocket of his jeans, “thought the red papers got attention first.”He says, looking up to Harry and handing him the paper.

“Yeah, Friday nights are usually full ofyellow ones, though.” Harry says, scanning the paper quickly and seeing Niall J. Horan, 25 year old male, reportedbar fight, probable broken wrist, no signs of concussion, vitals on order, pain8/10. “How’s your pain right now?”

“Out of ten? It’s been simmering between 8and 9 for the last hour,” Niall replies with a shrug. “Nurse told me x-rayswere necessary but that I’d have to leave my guitar outside,” he continues, “Irefused, because have you seen the people around this place? They’re all drunk.No way I’m leaving it out here only to find it broken, so if you can tell mewhat to do or what to take for the pain I’d appreciate it so I can go home.”

“You could have a broken wrist, judging bythe pain I’m pretty sure that’s the case, isn’t getting the x-ray moreimportant than a guitar?” Harry asks, an amused smile making his way through asNiall splutters and shakes his head.

“’Course it’s more important, she’s one ofa kind. Actually my arm might be broken because I fell out of the stage toprotect her.” He states. A stubborn frown taking over his face.

“Alright,” Harry nods, “You can leave itin my office while we do x-rays and get you proper treatment. That way both ofyou will be safe.”

“Really?” Niall asks, “Hey, thank youmate! I hope it’s not a bother.”

“None at all, just follow me and we’ll getit done quick enough.”

-

Half an hour later Niall’s sitting in astretcher as Harry wraps up his broken wrist properly. His guitar restingbeside him. “I cannot help but ask, what did you mean you fell out of a stageto save your guitar?”

“Oh,” he laughs, “well, you see, I play inthis bar on Friday nights, to help a bit with the bills, you know? Being ajust-graduated-nutritionist doesn’t give you much, so I was there, justchilling, getting ready to finish the set, when a bunch of assholes startedfighting, throwing punches and chairs and tables went flying. My guitar was inthe direct line of fire.” He says, pausing a bit to swallow harshly as Harrymoves his arm to check the blood flow is alright and the bandages are justtight enough. “So I try to yell at ‘em to be careful but just as I was about toreach the guitar and leave a guy was pushed over, I can only guess he was deaddrunk, because he didn’t even try to slow down the fall, and I could only seehis ass was for sure gonna land on my guitar, so I jumped head first to grab itand he fell on me, I fell on the corner of the stage, thus the bruising.”

“Is that why you told the nurse the reasonof all this was a bar fight?”

“Well, technically it all started with abar fight, but as I was about to explain it all she just went and rolled hiseyes and gave me a yellow paper.” Niall says, a sour look on his face, “realrude of her, you know.”

“Yeah, you’ll have to forgive her,” Harrysays with a small smile, “we don’t get much of anything other than bar fightson Friday nights.” He continues, handing Niall a sheet of paper with hisprescribed pain medication.

“Do I have to come for you to take a lookat it again? Like, remove the bandage or something?” Niall asks, looking a bitforlornly at the piece of paper.

“Oh, yeah but not here, exactly. You cancall this number,” he says, handing Niall a small card that just says Liam Payne and two phone numbers. “He’sthe best orthopedist you’ll ever find in this hospital. He’ll do an x-ray,check everything’s alright and in about 4 weeks you’ll be bandages free.” Hefinishes, smiling despite the fact that Niall looks kind of sad. Disappointedeven. “He really is the best, you’ve got nothing to be scared of, he’ll takegood care of you.”

“Not as good as you,” Niall mutters underhis breath as Harry turns his back on him to open the curtain that wasseparating them from the rest of the E.R.

“What was that?” Harry asks.

“Oh, nothing, just. Thinking out loudabout whether I should try to find a bus or just walk home.”

“I can call you a cab if you’d like.”Harry offers. Helping Niall gather his guitar, papers and card without losinganything.

“No, that’s alright. I left my jacket atthe bar so I have no change with me, just my very loyal Oyster card and twowell-functioning legs.”

“It’s really late, Niall, really. I canlend you some, it’s no trouble.” Harry says, searching in his pockets for hiswallet, “I’d be no good of me as a doctor if I fix you up only to let you walkhome at two in the morning. Cab is the safest option.”

“Also the most expensive,” Niall remarks,“we’re in an alright neighborhood and I live like half an hour from here, it’llbe alright.” Then, with a bit more of spark in his eyes, he says; “If you wantyou can give me your number and I can text you as soon as I get home.”

Harry seemed too busy looking into hiswallet to notice, though, “Here, just a couple of bucks. Just in case youdecide your house’s too far and you’re too tired or cold to keep walking.” Hesays, handing Niall a couple of folded bills. “Or in case you have nothing inyour Oyster card. Can’t never be too safe.”

He’s just finished talking when a beepcomes from his pocket. Eyes opening wide when he sees a red alert from hispager.

“Well, look at that. You can have a couplered cases on Friday nights too.” Harry says, shaking his head, “Have a niceevening. Don’t forget to pick up your meds tomorrow morning. What I just gaveyou we’ll be enough for the night but it might get really achey if you movearound a lot.” Harry says, walking fast towards the nurses’ station. “No guitarplaying, for at least a week, let you hand heal nicely. If there’s moreswelling, your fingers get really cold, dark or you can’t feel them or there’sany fever at all, please come back to the E.R immediately.” Harry says in arush as he checks the new triage papers. “Any questions?”

“Thank you.” Says Niall. “Really, you werethe nicest doctor I’ve ever met and I promise when I come back for that check-upI’ll hunt you down and pay you back.”

“No need,” Harry replies with a smile,“I’ve got to run. Have a safe trip home!”

And with that he leaves, back towards theentrance of the E.R where an ambulance is pulling in someone in a really bloodystretcher.

With a shudder, Niall turns to leave, notbefore looking back at Harry for the last time and saying to himself, “nexttime I’ll get his number.”

[baek--honey]

1-50 bitch

well since u asked nicely how could i resist

1. If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time? paint/draw or the like, or knit maybe,

2. What’s your favorite piece of clothing you own/owned? MY HOT MOMS SHIRT THAT I LOST ;n; also the big grey hoodie i have & a pierce the veil shirt i borrowed from my gf that im never giving back :)

4. How often do you play sports? never

5. What fictional place would you most like to go to? The Digital World

6. What job would you be terrible at? probably anything involving extensive memorizing and maintaining information for long periods of time. so basically a lot of things…… or maybe like. working at starbucks cos i cant make coffee OR remember lots of drink recipes omg

7. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you have a good chance at winning a medal for? playing kingdom hearts 2 on easy mode. i would have a good chance at winning because all the people that are good at playing kingdom hearts are gaming elitists that think playing on easy is for losers and if you dont play on critical mode you arent a real gamer :)

8. What skill would you like to master? making an omelet OR knitting

10. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on? some out of town adventure with my girlfriend where money and time dont matter 

11. If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would you change and why? uh i’d like to be less haunted by my traumatic past maybe! or be a few inches taller that would be cool i feel like both of these are pretty self explanatory 

12. What’s your favorite drink? W A T E R or milk tea 

13. What do you consider to be your best find? my girlfriend 

14. Are you usually early or late? way too early. too mcuh time i dont know what to do with it

15. What pets did you have while growing up? hm lets see i had a couple turtles, some fish, i had a gerbil that i got from a friend, an african grey named solomon, boston terrier named Tiny, two white boxers named Floyd & Lloyd, a mix named Macy, 4 chihuhuas named Dude, Pooty, Flout & Chief, and now we have a cat named Schrödinger :~), oh and an amstaff/dalmation mix named EL

16. When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with? anything and everything but never really asking for advice i guess? its more of them talking about a problem cos im easy to talk to and then me trying to help them come up to a solution if they need it

17. What takes up too much of your time? S L E E P I N G 

18. What do you wish you knew more about? cats!!!! also dogs cos i know a lot but i want to know more

19. What would be your first question after waking up from being cryogenically frozen for 100 years? why am i still alive?

21. Who’s your go-to band or artist when you can’t decide on something to listen to? seventeen or monsta x, exo’s LMR repackaged album

22. What shows are you into? the office, lost, honestly nothing thats still running on tv, i havent watched a show in forever, oh god wait does anime count cos i could write the longest list of anime i love: haikyuu, nge, digimon, noragami ,,,,,,

23. Who has impressed you most with what they’ve accomplished? Seventeen (Hangul: 세븐틴), also stylized as SEVENTEEN or SVT, is a South Korean boy group formed by Pledis Entertainment in 2015. The group consists of thirteen members divided into three sub-units, 

24. What age do you wish you could permanently be? a dog mom & i hope i can make that wish come true

25. What would be your ideal way to spend the weekend? napping on and off in bed with my girlfriend and then going to town for sushi & milk tea and then uhhhhhhhhhhh coming back home to nap some more and then go out for noodles for another date :} oh and a dog would be involved if possible because cuddling dogs is best

26. What’s something you like to do the old-fashioned way? physically writing and sending cards/letters in the mail i guess? i dont know if that really counts as doing something the old fashioned way but i definitely dont get as many cards or anything in the mail anymore. i also like to keep physical hand written to-do lists & schedules and stuff

27. What have you only recently formed an opinion on? how bad exo are at dancing  turtlenecks and scarves. they are good 

28. What’s the single best day on the calendar? october 10th my dogs birthday and also narutos birthday

29. What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of? asmr??? 

30. What is the most annoying question that people ask you? “did u have a little lamb?” OR when my grandpa asks me anything about his iphone 

31. What could you give a 40-minute presentation on without absolutely no preparation? my dogs or seventeen. OR a half ass presentation about kingdom hearts, trying to explain it while getting around all the plot holes and not nailing down my arguments cos i dont really get it either and theres a lot i dont pay attention to but i could come up with 40 mins of info im sure

32. If you were a dictator of a small island nation, what crazy dictator stuff would you do? no waking until 10am. no crime or anything will be allowed ill figure out some way to make everything perfect so women can go out alone at night and not be afraid. no discrimination !! all the poc, lgbt, disabled, any minority  will be welcome and have safe spaces and any hate will be punished by law. also everyones allowed to have pets in their homes and no home goes without food or power. am i doing this right

33. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives? travel out of your comfort zone. like physically travel somewhere and make the most of it but do it with someone cos the buddy system is important

34. What’s worth spending more on to get the best? jackets. i will pay up to 100$ for a good jacket and wear it forever cos itll be confirmed long-lasting and also most likely very comfortable!!!

35. What is something that a ton of people are obsessed with but you just don’t get the point of? i just want to point out that its not that i dont get the point of it because everyone has their likes and i have my own that other people dont i like that people are into whatever they want to be its just that i am Not into it. and that thing is yuri on ice

36. What are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years? being able to wake up every morning next to my girlfriend and out pets :~)

37. Where is the most interesting place you’ve been? corning museum of glass was super neat……. , dollywood, gatlinburg, chicago chinatown, idk i havent been to many interesting places 

38. What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but just haven’t gotten around to? i wana get a tattoo !!!!!!!!

39. What’s the best thing that happened to you last week? getting a job interview at barnes & noble because now i have a job there!!!

40. What piece of entertainment do you wish you could erase from your mind so that you could experience it for the first time again? diamond edge chicago

41. If all jobs had the same pay and hours, what job would you like to have? all i really want is that job where im paid to sleep 

42. How different was your life one year ago? tbh not that much different?? other than i was in school and now im not. i didnt have a job and now i do. i was a year further away from moving 

43. What’s the best way to start the day? talking to my girlfriend and also let me just say that first pee in the morning. perfect

44. What quirks do you have? what are quirks exactly i looked up examples to help me think of some but all im thinking of is…i cant have the volume on my tv or radio on an even number it has to be on an odd number??? i have to sleep with a fan on. idk dude

45. What would you rate 10/10? [MV] 몬스타엑스 (MONSTA X) _ 걸어 (ALL IN)

46. What kind of art do you enjoy most? abstract w lots of colors and shapes. geometric stuff 

47. What do you hope never changes? my ability to collect myself (unless it gets better which then i hope it does), my passion for art of any sort

48. What city would you most like to live in? anywhere except charleston and somewhere thats not extremely highly populated

49. What movie title best describes your life? Scooby Doo 2 - Monsters Unleashed

50. What’s the best way a person can spend their time? sleeping or hanging out with their pet

[bilingualplots]

That concert crazy me!

Well, short-long story. I am a huge and mega fan of one direction but actually I fond of Harry the most. The curly, green eyed member. I’ve been the fan from a long ago. I had been their concert once, when they came to did some tour on my country. I was crazy as hell and excited for that. That time, I was a freshman year of college and it was hell, sleepless and tiring period especially when you join in medical department. No time to play, going around even in a weekend sometimes you have lectures and have to do some shits. So it challenged me to go to that concert. I didnt know my schedule when the concert held. But I bought the tickets anyway. I got the vip tickets well I bought it from my own money. No, I didnt work or earn money I mean I dont have time to do that. That money was from scholarships I got. I spent the whole money for the concert without even thinking. I was so glad I didnt spent the money yet cause before I knew that One Direction would held a concert, I was planning to buy some woman things to spend that money.

My senior high school friend who also adore One Direction, asked me to go to the concert together. I agreed of course cause the concert didnt held on my city its miles away from the city I lived but still It didnt down me at all.

So I gave it all to my friend. Nadya–well but I call her Lia. She bought the tickets, I just needed to transferred the money to her. And yup. We got the freaking tickets. Yeay!

Days after days went. And it was a couple days from the day of the concert. And guess what, a day before the concert I was going to have a test. Practice test. Shit man. I was crazy I even wanted to cry but I decided to stay cool. The test’s day began, I finished the test and felt good cause the test went well. It was over around four or five in the evening and guess what again? my plane fly at six and I hadn’t even packed my things. I just had one shirt in my mind, the shirt that written “Harry Styles’s wife” that I was going to wear for the concert.

After doing the test, my lecturer suprised me by saying she wanted to say something so we have to wait her. And the clock was never stop and it taunt me in every seconds it ticked. My friend, Lia had been calling me all the time and all I could do was just make her calm her tits.

My lecturer was so long and I just couldn’t stand it. So I decided to just go and didnt mind it. I was just guessing that she wont even checked the list of attendance. I drove the car so fast to my home and pick my things. It felt so relived when I arrived at home and find my mom help me to packed my things.

My dad drove me to the airport and when I was on my way, my classmate called me. I pick the call and she sounded like she was wispering. My heart beaten so fast when she said that the lecturer was calling us one by one and check the list of attendance. I was freak out cause I didnt want my lecturer missunderstood and think that I dont attend the test. But what can I do. I was on my way to airport and my plane was flying in half hour.

When I arrived at airport I was acting crazy and run to my senior high school friend. My mom and hers doing the mom’s thing. Kissing cheeks, hugging in mother way and all.

We said good by to our mothers and passed the gates, my phone was ringing and I pick it up found massage from my classmate said that the lecturer had stopped calling the students name right before my names turn. Maybe two couple of name left until my name called but she decided to just stop and say that she believed all the students attended the class. And bye that, I thanked God. It was like God indeed had planned that I was allowed to go to the concert and meet my idola.

I and Lia, we both arrived around 8 night or 9 I’m not so sure, and we got picked by my other friend who also wanted to go to the concert. Her name was Mia. She lived in Bandung cause she studied there and what another lucky I got was Mia’s mom treated us by booked two rooms in a hotel near GBK (the place that held the concert) and not only rooms, she also sent someone to guide us around the city with car, so we didnt have to use public transportation and all, pluss I could save my money.

We checked in and going to the room directly. My friend Mia thought that Lia wanted to bring her friend so Mia booked two rooms but Lia’s friend cancelled and sold the ticket to stranger.

Three of us stayed in the same room cause Mia was scared to stay alone in the other room. And yes that one room was useless. At midnight we decided to order food, we chose Bonchon but ended up ordered KFC cause Bochon didnt pick the call, I assumed it was already close.

The delivered man was so long and we ended up sleeping until he arrived and I didnt realize the delivered man already standing in front of our room for maybe hours. I’m not sure how long. I took the money and handed it to him. Said sorry multiple times for making him wait for too long. We didnt forget to give more tips for the mistake we made.

We ended up ate the food maybe at 2 or 3 in the morning and go back to sleep with leftovers which I ate at 6 in the morning and went back to sleep again. I know you felt disgust but I dont care. I’m still alive any way.

We wake up at almost 10 in the morning and rushed to lobby to take our breakfast. Cause it was closed if it was up 10 morning.

After that, we decided to get ready. We went to change the voucher to the real ticket. When we arrived at ticket changer, we saw so much people I mean really much people who queued to change tickets like us. We were like going to die standing in a very long line, stress out until securty came and asked us to show our voucher. Lia took it from her bag and that security told us that vip gate wasnt where we stand. He took Lia to the other gates and went through and disappeared. I and Mia waited outside cause it wasnt allowed us to come, the three ticket was named by Lia and her guess so she had to take it by her self.

I took a seat with Mia and not to long after sitting, Lia came from that gates with big smile and tickets along with the handband in her hand. Gosh! I couldn’t believe I was on my way to see my Idola. The Idola that I only see through the glass of television, laptop or phone. And in some hours later, I was going to meet him and inhale the same air with them.

Dont tell me that Im so naiff or Lame cause I’m not. You dont know how it feels when you finally got to meet the people who gave you so much changed. In a better way. I mean, without fangirling 1D I would probably doesnt speak or write english things like now, like this, or I couldn’t knew or have friends abroad or anything else. This fangirling made me alive. So just shut the hell up and dont judge me.

The concert would be held on 7 evening and it was like 12 afternoon when we had done change the voucher into real freaking tickets. So we decided to go to mall cause Mia need to buy some clothes. We arrived to the Mall, I foget what Mall and going to Zara. Mia and Nadya bought shirt, well Mia bought bunch of clothes and a couple of pants and if I’m not mistaken she bought a couple of shoes too. In Zara I met some famous people who always showed in local tv. Such a Najwa, the owner of Mata Najwa show or some of Ftv actor, I was not sure who, cause I didnt pay attention to them. It was just Lia who said that.

After that, Mia still went through the shop find something else to buy. I didnt know what it is. So me and Lia decided to just go around the mall, we stopped to buy some ice cream and at CD shop. I bought two cd of one direction and some books of it while Lia was busy to take pictures from the architecture of the Mall and all. Yes, she is that girl who are great with pencil, pen and all, drawing and made house in a paper. Architecture people said.

After that we went back to hotel, we decided to have lunch, wanted to have delivery again but Lia againts it so we went to the restaurant near the hotel and had some yakiniku. After that we went back to the hotel and had some rest until we wake up in the evening maybe it seven and it was so late, so we prepared as fast as possible.

We ended up arrive at 8 night with clearer way to the gates. Cause people is already in the stadium. I know. We were late. It was sucks!

Then, we ran before that I bought some bandana with a light in it and some small posters. We went to the gates. I bought mineral waters which was so expensive but I didnt mind at all cause I was thirsty and It was impossible to go out for just a bottle of mineral water.

We went through the door the vip seat and saw tons of people. I didnt see any seat at all so we went out and take the other door. I saw the yellow area and already knew it was Vvip seat cause I saw some famous people there too, like actor and singers of my country. we got exactly three seat right besode the vvip area and it was so good for view. We got another lucky again.

Another of another lucky we got was the stars hadnt come out yet. The stage still play some song from 5Sos and play the commercials tour of 1D itself. We didnt late.

And time flies I grew crazy on my head. Shit. I cant stand my self I was so nervous, they always played us by act like the stars was going out but actually no. And it was getting crazier when we saw Niall run across and went back to the backstage. There was so much noise and loud that made me goosebumps. Until that time, that time i couldn’t forget until now. That time when I cried, shit dont judge me for being so exaggerated cause I did admit that I had this fascinated and butterflies feeling.

One direction came out, with the intro of Clouds. I was screaming like crazy until some bodyguards who suited like army looked at me like seriously girl?! But I didnt care at all.

I jumped and scream along the song and all very time Harry great in my way I scream again and said that, those greating were belong to me like he looked at me directly. I didnt even put single care when some girls gave disgusted look. I just enjoyed the show.

All I did was cry and scream along to the song and thats all, I didint even care to record cause I was just to happy and need to enjoy the music and show. Lia was screaming like me, but she scream for Liam and I scream for Harry. Then Mia was so crazy with Zayn but yes, Zayn didnt come up to the show. But still she loves 1D maybe Niall, I think.

We sang along didnt mind our bag which were in the seat, possibly could be stolen anytime but I didnt care. All my focus went on the staege, I couldnt even wanted to blink. Gosh! That was so amazing, I could feel my heart beating so hard right now writing this thing.

After that, I couldn’t tell you the details of the concert cause it will need the whole day to write it. All you have to know is directioner are crazy, I never stop to get goosebumps cause the crowd never stop to sing along the star on the stage. Even Liam and Niall admitted our noises was so loud than other. Aside from that, all I could feel was joy, happiness, exited, crazy, amazed and some kind of that been mixed make my body turn, my eyes burned from crying. Happy crying.

We went back at 12 night and directly to the airport cause my plane flight on 1.45. We arrived at maybe 1. I both with Lia said goodbye to Mia, shared hugs and kisses then left. We waited for 45 minutes. When I was waiting I was so tired from the jumping and screaming so I decided to lay down at the chair, didnt care about people looked like I was grazy girl who lay to the 3 seats.

I close my eyes but interupted by Lia who screamed like hell. I asked her why and she answered me by saying that Zayn left the group. Officially. I didnt believe her until she showed me the statement on official facebook of 1D it self. I was shocked cause I love Zayn. He’s good and had the highest note from all.

But yup. It didnt bother me that much cause all I loved was about Harry who is still in 1d until now.

We landed on my city right about 5.30 morning. I was rushed cause I had to go to school 7 cause there this assistant of lecturer who was scared and I just couldn’t be late. My father picked me and I couldn’t go because I didnt want to left Lia alone. Until her father come up so I went back home asked my dad to rush.

Arrived at home I run to my room and had a fastes bath of my life. Rush to the school. I was so glad I didnt late and some of my friend was late. They were shocked saw me sitting on my chair. I mean, last night was the best night I’ve ever spent and here I was going school and all.

Yes that was amazing. I know.

Oh yeah. Not forget another crazier that happened. Lia, my friend was having final test at the exact day of the concert. And no one expect what she did, that was.. she asked her friend to pretend to be her and doing her test.

Yah that was crazier than me. But she ended up passed the final test well.

[twocatskissing]

Random questions 1. Do you bite or lick ice cream? lick lick lick lick (i like) 2. What is home to you? where ever i feel comfortable. so..not necessarily my house all of the time, it depends who i am with. 3. What was the last lie you told? i ...dont know. i just went thru my texts and i can't recall. but i've lied several times today probably without knowing. 4. Does everyone deserve the truth? no. u dont deserve my ass honey! 5.What is the creepiest toy ever made? i'll think about it 6. Describe a moment in which you did something unacceptable in a bad situation. talk shit get hit 7. List two things that are more easily done than said. (No, I didn't mix them up.) literally anything work related. i hate explaining to people, i just want to do it myself, it's so much more easier. but this question is making my head hurt so i'm moving on. 8. When was the last time you worked really hard to achieve something? i worked REALLY Hard on print edition II 9. How many all nighters have you pulled? probably one? two? i'm not good at them 10. If humans didn't evolve to laugh or smile, how would we express our happiness instead? hugs. 11. How many romantic "things" or "flings" have you had? maybe...three? 12. What is your paradise? honestly where ever you are 13. What is your favorite background noise? (Ex. Water dripping, people talking.) RAIN NOISES. UGH. I LOVE THEM. I WOULD DIE FOR THEM. 14. How many hearts do you think you have broken? one, not including myself 15. What is the most important thing about electronics? What does this say about you? communicating. i think it says i suck at communicating in person. 16. Why do people care about celebrities? Do you care about celebrities? i care about celebrities because i aspire to be like them, and i enjoy learning about other's successes 17. What is the most annoying thing someone can do to you? i dont know how to answer this. anyone doing anything for me makes me so happy 18. Do you overexaggerate? What are the pros and cons of this? i do this a lot, i get it from my mom. i think it just makes me sound annoying. 19. Have you played any instruments before? Which instruments? no i'm a potato 20. Do you like taking selfies? Why or why not? i used to take them a lot but one week during 9th grade my self esteem plummeted and now i hate taking them. i think i am so ugly and unattractive. 21. List 3 things you like about yourself? i'm kinda emo rn so i cant think of anything 22. What is the best advice someone has ever given you? don't make mountains out of mole hills 23. Do you have what it takes to raise a child? Why or why not? HELL NO. i cant even take care of my damn self. even my pee is telling me my body is in serious danger. 24. How do you cheer yourself up after a bad day? i talk to sierra, practice a makeup look, or go to sleep really early 25. When was the last time you felt awkward? when i went out to starbucks earlier tonight i was in this really weird state where i felt really weak and off, i felt kinda awkward and bad 26. Are you introverted or extroverted? Or a mixture of both? im super introverted but i always like having one person with me, i don't like being completely isolated, but i hate having multiple people around me. 27. What constitutes a good friend? having conversations that never dry out, being there for you right on the spot, good hugs 28. Would you rather have a lot of friends to hang out with or just one best friend? i would want just one best friend, but i've come to realize that people i'll get super close with get really annoyed with me easily and that's not what i want 29. In a regular day, what do you not want to hear? that hetero shit. 30. What is your dream job? journalist at refinery 29 31. Is it better to be lazy but smart or hardworking but unintelligent? hardworking because from there you can build your skills 32. What is a truth about yourself that others find hard to believe? IM A VIRGIN 33. What have you always wondered about the other gender? why he so ugly. 34. Which fantasy world would you like to visit the most? what does this even mean 35. Describe the worst friend you have ever befriended. i don't want to hate them again 36. Imagine that you have switched bodies with someone you don't know. You can't switch back. What do you do? hope they aren't suicidal like i am 37. If you found the recipe for immortality, would you sell it or would you burn it? girl i'd sell that shit. need that college money. 38. What is the most important, applicable class you have ever taken? speech, bc u need speech to speech 39. Name the last book you read. animal farm 40. Imagine that you are unable to express emotion. How would this affect your world? BROOO i would say i would love this, but i would never be able to be with someone if i'm like that. no homo. 41. When was the last time you made the first move? ...Never 42. What is your opinion on electronic music such as dubstep or trap? it's ok :/. nothing is worse than country music, tho. 43. What was the last movie you watched? hidden figures 44. Do you like and appreciate your life? no 45. Do you like and appreciate yourself? No. 46. When was the last time you cried? on saturday 47. What are you scared of? rejection and thunder storms 48. What is the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy thing you have ever done? no let's not get into that tonight 49. What are some of your hobbies? makeup, editing stories 50. What is a superficial yet annoying mistake you constantly make? overthink and over analyze 51. Are you a good friend? What makes you a good friend? If not, what makes you a bad friend? i would say i'm a decent friend. i'm extremely loyal and supportive, but at the same time i will shut u out if i'm sad and be really clingy. 52. Do you honestly learn from your mistakes? no. same ol' mistakes - rihanna 53. What have you learned the hard way? she wasn't shit 54. What is the most important thing to have in order to attain happiness? friendship 55. Which medium do you use for expressing your artistic emotions? (Singing, writing, etc.) i write a fuckton l56. Are you a creative or a logical thinker? logical 57. What is the smartest thing you have ever done? get a job 58. What is your ideal meal? sushi 59. What is the worst thing someone could do on a date? tell me they're a republican 60. Do you like animals? Which kind is your favorite? DOGGIES 61. If you could turn one legal thing illegal, what would it be? discrimination against transgender citizens/denying access to preferred bathrooms 62. Do you have any guilty pleasures? i really like the kardashians 63. What is the best thing that the internet has ever created? the kardashians 64. Do you like playing video games? Which video games? i like playing overwatch when i'm at my dad's house but i rarely come over there 65. What is your opinion on beauty in today's society? do what ya want hoe 66. Are you a morning person? When do you usually wake up? i usually wake up at around 7:30 on a weekend but you won't find me walking around because i'll stay in bed until 10 67. Do you have a favorite Disney movie? Character? i love ratatouille, but my favorite disney character will be tiana from princess and the frog because i love her. 68. Would you rather live in the city or in the countryside? in the city. i want to live on a skyscraper. 69. Would you rather live near the ocean or in the mountains? near the ocean because beach towns are so cute. 70. What are the best things about winter? how it's not 1000387377227° 71. What scares you most about the future? rejection from colleges, and any relationships i attempt to peruse. 72. What makes you feel old? ratatouille came out ten years ago 73. How many hours do you spend on the computer or phone on average? 24 74. What are some of your New Year's resolutions? i don't make those they're annoying 75. What is your life story in 6 words? really really really really emo 76. Describe yourself in one word. ugly 77. What bad habits do you do? um it should say *do you have, but i guess i tend to put myself down a lot whenever someone compliments me. and if i'm having a bad day and someone says something mean that's suppose to be a joke, i start crying. 78. What genre of music do you listen to? everything except country 79. Most prominent childhood memory? my dad's last day before he moved out 80. Imagine if you had an older brother. If you already have one, what is it like? If you don't, how would this change your life? no thanks 81. Spirit animal? sloth 82. Do you believe in horoscopes? sort of? i didnt until i realized i hate capricorns 83. What is the worst advice you've ever been given? just stop being sad 84. List the 3 most important people in your life right now. that's hard i have a lot of people i care about so imma add one more -dana -sierra -sarahi -chloe 85. Favorite memory of your family. hmm not really 86. What do you look for in a relationship? someone who likes me back, loyalty 87. Do you have a role model? Why or why not? i don't pay attention enough to look up to someone 88. What is your opinion on social media? i love it 89. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? both, it depends on the environment 90. List some things that you think are overpriced? M👏🏼A👏🏼K👏🏼E👏🏼U👏🏼P 91. What is your worst memory or creepiest experience? well earlier today when i was closing this people stood out the door waiting for me to come out it was really weird 92. What superpower would ruin the world? being able to read minds 93. What is something you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway? date girls hdhshshns 94. What lessons have you learned from movies and which movies were they? girl i am too tired for this 95. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? i would go back to costa rica ❤ 96. How do you approach people? i dont. 97. What is your opinion on first impressions? what does this even mean 98. What are some things you did as a child that you no longer do? dance the cha cha slide. i'm too embarrassed to do it now. 99. What languages can you speak? english and most spanish 100. What do you think society will be like in 30 years? i feel like it'll be a lot more progressive. my 101. What do you do on your lazy days? i just lie in bed 102. What ended your last relationship? well as for my last real relationship it ended because i was really sad and so were they 103. Favorite food? sushi or chiles rellanos or hot wings 104. What is the most terrifying dream you've ever had? most of my dreams are terrifying in that i either get rejected or people leave. what's new? lol. 105. When was the last time you got seriously angry? like two weeks ago i read a text and i got seriously angry and had a suicidal episode 106. What was the last friendship you broke? i dont....know... 107. Do you have any pet peeves? i hate hearing people chew, or people talking over me 108. Who was the last person you gave a hug to? no one gives me hugs. 109. When was the last time you got seriously stressed? like this morning jdhsbsbsb 110. What part of your personality do you want to change? all of it. i want to be a cold distant bitch who is likable. i also want to get rid of my depression 111. Who is the most positively influential person in your life right now? everyone stay negative 112. What is your biggest motivation? this question is grammatically confusing 113. What did you want to be when you were little? a vet or a singer 114. What are some things that you are good at? im pretty good at my job, and doing reading/writing stuff 115. What is one thing you want to be good at? math 116. What distracts you the most, especially when you're trying to work? my phone definitely 117. How important is privacy to you? very. i hate nosy people. 118. If you could create one social norm, what would it be? don't be nosy kiddos! 119. What's the craziest lie you've ever told? i'm straight 120. What story do you like to tell about yourself at parties? i don't go to parties, but when i do i do not talk about myself, or talk at all 121. What is the lamest thing that you have seen someone do? ummmm i don't know how to answer this 122. What is the stupidest thing you've done to impress someone? i will spend all of my money on people or things to impress others, it's ridiculous. i'll pay for dinner if i'm trying to impress a friend, or just waste my money. 123. What is your morning routine? spray myself in rose water. get dressed. Maybe MAYBE do some makeup 124. What's the last thing you did that is worth remembering? taking photos with sierra 125. If karma was coming back to you, would it help or hurt you? help i believe. i'm not doing anything shitty rn 126. What is your opinion on playing "hard to get?" i will honestly drop you so quick if you do that to me and i find out. i have no tolerance for that shit, i will not fall for it, and i will leave your ass. 127. What are the pros and cons of straightforward? pros: sends the message, makes things quicker cons: getting offended, no fun 128. What do you consider "leading" someone on? BROOO DONT SVEN GET ME STARTED ON THIS SHIF WHERE DO I EVEN FUCKING START OHHHH NY GOODDDHDHDHSHS BITCHDHDHSHSBS IM SGEJSNSBSANSBSBBVSSBA 129. Are you the friendzoner or the friendzoned? both, but mostly zoned. 130. What do you admire most about your friends? their intelligence. i'm so jealous of them, but i admire it. 131. What do you admire most about your family? their strong work ethic 132. What is your opinion on "going with the flow?" it's so hard to do, no gracias. i need structure 133. Do you enjoy talking or listening? listening 134. When is it time to end a friendship? when it's causing deep painful and emotional harm to you, it's abusive in a sense 135. What is the worst excuse you've ever come up with? "i'm just stressed out" 136. If GPA didn't matter, what courses would you have taken? delta, so i could study hospitality and tourism dhshhsejsh 137. What are your favorite baby names? babies are gross 138. When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? when i went to the park with dana on monday 139. What instantly ruins a conversation? dry ass responses 140. Biggest turn ons and turn on offs. turn on's: buying me tonight's, hugs, touching, eye contact, laughing turn offs: distance, being ignored 141. Biggest disappointment. rejection by ******* 143. When did you last do something outside of your comfort zone? when i talked to wheatsville 144. Prized possession(s)? my costa rica ticket, my makeup collection 145. What is your opinion on second chances? it depends on what they did to fuck up 146. Text or call? text 147. What do you like about the 21st century? my phone 148. What advice would you give to yourself 5 years ago? don't date until ur mentally stable 149. How organized are you? ask sierra 150. Favorite mode of transportation. car